Paul O. Dillon, Attorney at Law

What Happens When Blended Families Ignore Estate Planning?

The idea of a “Brady Bunch” family, where two adults with children from prior marriages blend their families, is filled with good intentions. With time and patience, a real family can be created if all parties are willing participants. That is until one of the parents dies and the will is revealed, according to the article “The Brady Bunch Breaks Down: Estate Fights Tear Stepfamilies Apart” from The Wall Street Journal.

The typical estate plan for couples and their families is for the surviving spouse to inherit all the assets when the first parent dies. In a blended family, non-biological children are often disinherited. The spouse has no legal obligation to give anything to the biological children, and, making matters worse, the stepsiblings will inherit the deceased stepparent’s assets.

All of the work to blend the families can be undone. The stories are heartbreaking: children changing locks and kicking out their stepmother before the funeral, adult children learning they’ve inherited nothing, while the stepmother receives a lifetime of assets.

Good planning with an experienced estate planning attorney can prevent these and other ugly scenarios.

Establishing a joint trust to give children equal shares after the second parent dies sounds like a good idea. However, if the stepparent moves the assets into a new trust and names their own biological children as the beneficiaries, the first parent’s children are disinherited.

Creating separate trusts can work. However, they need to be iron-clad. Other options are distributing assets while the parent is living or leaving a specific amount (either a dollar amount or a percentage) in the will directly to the named children. Some families keep biological children in the estate plan and fund a separate trust for the spouse and stepchildren.

A prenuptial agreement is a good tool for blended families. However, it should be in addition to, not instead of, an estate plan.

In some states, the default rule is for the surviving spouse to keep half the community property and have no right in the deceased’s separate property. Most states also allow a surviving spouse to claim an elective share, typically a third or half of the estate.

Another problem that blended families must address is planning for illness and incapacity. The spouse usually makes medical decisions and funeral arrangements. However, stepchildren may have different ideas than their stepparents. Both parents should have their wishes expressed in documents, including a Power of Attorney, Healthcare Power of Attorney, Living Will and whatever documents are required by state and federal laws.

Consider naming an executor or trustee who is neither a biological child nor a relative. Having someone who is impartial and trustworthy could relieve pressure on the children.

An estate planning attorney can clarify the possible issues arising for stepfamilies regarding asset distribution, asset protection, medical directives and planning for incapacity.

Reference: The Wall Street Journal (June 1, 2024) “The Brady Bunch Breaks Down: Estate Fights Tear Stepfamilies Apart”

Why Unmarried Couples Need Protection of an Estate Plan

Couples decline to marry for a variety of reasons. Some are pragmatic, such as protecting health insurance eligibility. Taxes are another reason, as is qualifying for government benefits, like Medicaid or needs-based student financial aid. However, a recent article from the Journal of Accountancy, “Forgoing marriage? Estate planning for unmarried couples,” explains why unmarried couples must protect themselves from life's unexpected but inevitable events.

There is an old saying that marriage is the cheapest estate plan available, and in part, this is true. Here’s what unmarried couples can do to protect themselves.

How are assets titled? Having the home titled as a joint tenancy/ownership with the right of survivorship protects both partners. If one partner dies, full ownership automatically switches to the other partner, with no need for court documents or other paperwork.

Beneficiary designations. Each partner should review the beneficiary designations on all applicable financial accounts and products. This includes life insurance, pensions, retirement accounts, and, if possible, bank accounts. If the couple doesn’t want to make each other joint owners of the bank accounts, see if they can be added as beneficiaries.

Cohabitation agreement. This document clarifies everything from financial responsibilities during and after the relationship, from who will care for a shared pet to the distribution of jointly owned property if there is a breakup. Think of it as a prenup for unmarried people.

Power of Attorney. This allows the partners to step in and manage each other's affairs if one should become incapacitated. It’s also effective if one person travels and needs the other partner to manage daily financial matters.

Advance Care Directive. This document states a person’s wishes about medical care if they cannot communicate on their own. It should include a Health Care Power of Attorney, allowing the partners to make medical decisions for each other. Without it, adult children, siblings, or parents will be the only ones who can make these decisions. This will also permit the partners to access personal health information for each other during an illness or an emergency.

Last Will and Testament. Distribution of property or assets not owned jointly takes place through the will. The will is also used to name an executor in charge of the estate and carrying out the instructions in the will, as well as a guardian for minor children. If there is no will, an unmarried surviving partner will have no control over any property or assets. Without a will, the laws of intestacy take control, and usually surviving children, parents, siblings and even distant cousins who are related by blood come before the unmarried partner.

Trusts. If the couple wishes to keep their possessions and distribute them privately, a trust can be created to own assets, with the trustee being one partner and the successor trustee being the other. Couples with minor children, shared real estate investments, or assets in more than one state may find using trusts more efficient than passing assets through a will. Assets in a trust are not subject to any instructions in a will, do not become public and do not go through probate.

A consultation with an estate planning attorney can provide unmarried couples with a clear path to protect each other for the rest of their lives. This is the peace of mind provided by an estate plan.

Reference: Journal of Accountancy (April 30, 2024) “Forgoing marriage? Estate planning for unmarried couples”

How Same Sex Couples Can Protect Each Other

Since a Supreme Court justice recently called on the Court to reconsider the case that guaranteed marriage equality, now is the time for same-sex couples to prepare the legal documents used to protect their partnerships and their families.

Preparing for medical emergencies and ensuring your partner and children will be cared for if one partier dies requires an estate plan.

How to do this is explained in the article titled “Same-sex couples: These forms could help protect your rights if same-sex marriage ends” from Cincinnati.com.

Powers of Attorney. This is a document to allow another person to act on your behalf, if you are unable to do so. It needs to be signed with a notary and one or two witnesses, depending on what state you live in. The document can be durable, meaning it goes into effect upon being signed, or limited, if you want your representative to be able to manage some aspects of your personal affairs but not others.

Last will and testament. If you die without a will, your state’s laws of intestacy determine who your heirs are and what percentage of your assets are distributed to which person. This is based on kinship, so if same sex marriages lose legal protection, parents, siblings and children (not necessarily in that order) will receive your estate. Your partner may end up with nothing, unless you have a will.

Second-parent adoption. For stepparents and same-sex couples where one person has biological children, second-parent adoption is used to protect both parents’ rights to enjoy an equal legal relationship with their children, regardless of which parent is listed on the birth certificate. Couples who are concerned about remaining legal parents should contact an estate planning attorney to protect their family.

Prenuptial agreement. A prenup is an agreement signed before marriage to detail how assets, including money, investments and other property, are to be divided in case of divorce. A prenup could also include whether one partner will agree to support the other financially after a divorce and for how long support, sometimes referred to as maintenance, will continue.

Some, but not all, states permit post-nuptial agreements, which are legal documents similar to prenups, but signed after marriage.

Whether the laws regarding same—sex marriage remain the same or change, couples need to have an estate plan in place to protect each other. Estate plans are especially important when families include minor children, as a will is used to name a guardian, in case both parents die unexpectedly, and trusts can be created to provide the guardian with funds to support the child or children.

Reference: Cincinnati.com (Aug. 1, 2022) “Same-sex couples: These forms could help protect your rights if same-sex marriage ends”

Does Marriage have an Impact on a Will?

It is very difficult to challenge a marriage once it has occurred, since the capacity needed to marry is relatively low. Even a person who is under conservatorship because they are severely incapacitated may marry, unless there is a court order stating otherwise, says the article “Estate Planning: On Being Married, estate planning and administration” from Lake Country News. This unfortunate fact allows scammers to woo and wed their victims.

What about individuals who think they are married when they are not? A “putative” spouse is someone who genuinely believed they were married, although the marriage is invalid, void, or voidable because of a legal defect. An example of a legal defect is bigamy, if the person is already married when they marry another person.

Once a couple is married, they owe each other a duty to treat each other fairly. In certain states, they are prohibited from taking unfair advantage of each other. Depending on the state of residence, property is also owned in different ways. In a community property state, such as California, marital earnings and anything acquired while married is presumed to be community property.

In a community property state, debts incurred before or during the marriage are also shared. In a number of states, marriage is sufficient reason for a creditor to come after the assets of a spouse, if they married someone with pre-marital debts.

There are exceptions. If a married person puts their earnings during marriage into a separate bank account their spouse is not able to access, then those deposited earnings are not available for debtor spouse’s debts incurred before the marriage took place.

If a married person dies without a will, also known as “intestate,” the surviving spouse is the next of kin.  In most cases, they will inherit the assets of the decedent. If the decedent had children from a prior marriage, they may end up with nothing.

These are all reasons why couples should have frank discussions about finances, including assets and debts, before marrying. Coming into the marriage with debt may not be a problem for some people, but they should be advised beforehand.

A pre-nuptial agreement can state the terms of the couple’s financial health as individuals and declare their intentions. An experienced estate planning attorney can create a pre-nuptial to align with the couple’s estate plan, so the estate plan and the pre-nuptial work together.

Marriage brings rights and responsibilities which impact life and death for a couple. Starting a marriage based on full disclosure and proper planning clears the way for a focus on togetherness, and not solely the business side of marriage.

Reference: Lake Country News (Feb. 12, 2022) “Estate Planning: On Being Married, estate planning and administration”

Planning Future for Nontraditional Families

Today’s non-traditional family are not just LGBTQ couples, but families undergoing gray divorces, blended families, stepchildren, multinational families and children born through assisted reproductive technologies, referred to as ART, in a recent article titled “How to Plan for LGBTQ, Blended Families, Cohabitation, Other Nontraditional Families” from Financial Advisor.

The key is having an estate plan prepared that is flexible so that last wills, trusts, and all documents reflect the non-traditional family very clearly and do not leave room for courts to make decisions. Here are a few new elements to consider:

Gendered pronouns and definitions. Ideally, your estate documents should use specific names of individuals, not pronouns. We live in a fluid society and using pronouns could lead to unnecessary complications.

Recognize ART and its implications. If there are children conceived by ART, they need to be explicitly included as children of the family. DNA testing can result in a child inheriting assets from a parent they never knew. It may be wise to exclude biological children, parents or siblings who do not have a relationship with the family.

Trust Protector/Trust Decanting. By including provisions that permit trusts to be decanted, that is, transferred from one trust to another, your estate planning attorney will create flexibility to allow a trust protector (a non-fiduciary appointment of a third party) to make changes. The selection of the trust protector is particularly important, as they could have a large impact on the overall plan.

Marriage, non-marital relationships, divorce, remarriage. An estate plan needs to prepare for future changes with precision and flexibility. Protecting the family, its privacy and dignity can be done by limiting the information in the last will, which becomes a public document. While we can’t know what the future holds, we can plan for change.

Prenuptial agreements. State laws vary on what is acceptable and procedurally necessary for a prenup to be enforceable. Typically, the agreement must be voluntary and include full disclosure of both parties’ financial situation. In some states, post-nuptials can be prepared, if the parties can’t agree on the document before they are legally wed.

Divorce creates special estate planning issues. Beneficiary designations need to be changed for life insurance, IRAs and other non-probate assets. Take affirmative steps to ensure that ex-spouses, or soon-to-be exes are removed as beneficiaries on all accounts, including pensions and insurance plans subject to ERISA.

Cohabitating couples. Marital gifts are tax free, but that is not the case for people living together. Estate planning and tax planning needs to be done, so the surviving partner is taken care of. This may include the creation of a cohabitation agreement, similar to a prenuptial agreement.

Planning for sickness and death. Explicitly stating wishes for end-of-life medical treatments, including feeding tubes, respirators, heart machines, etc., is step one in having an Advance Medical Directive created. Step two is deciding who is empowered to make those decisions. Someone who is unmarried but has a partner or a second spouse needs to be authorized. Note that when an individual is hospitalized, stepparents may attempt to deny access to spouses’ children, or children may block access to a stepparent. There should also be a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) or Physicians Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST) in place with the person’s wishes.

Non-traditional families of all types need to protect the family with estate planning and documentation. Issues about protecting children, making health care decisions for a critically ill partner and control of assets must be addressed in a way that respects the individuals and their families while working within the law.

Reference: Financial Advisor (Feb. 2, 2021) “How to Plan for LGBTQ, Blended Families, Cohabitation, Other Nontraditional Families”

Estate Planning for a Second Marriage and Blended Family

It takes a certain kind of courage to embark on second, third or even fourth marriages, even when there are no children from prior marriages. Regardless of how many times you walk down the aisle, the recent article “Establishing assets, goals when planning for a second marriage” from the Times Herald-Record advises couples to take care of the business side of their lives before saying “I do” again.

Full disclosure of each other’s assets, overall estate planning goals and plans for protecting assets from the cost of long-term care should happen before getting married. The discussion may not be easy, but it’s necessary: are they leaving assets to each other, or to children from a prior marriage? What if one wants to leave a substantial portion of their wealth to a charitable organization?

The first step recommended with remarriage is a prenuptial or prenup, a contract that the couple signs before getting married, to clarify what happens if they should divorce and what happens on death. The prenup typically lists all of each spouses’ assets and often a “Waiver of the Right of Election,” meaning they willingly give up any inheritance rights.

If the couple does not wish to have a prenup, they can use a Postnuptial Agreement (postnup). This document has the same intent and provisions as a prenup but is signed after they are legally wed. Over time, spouses may decide to leave assets to each other through trusts, owning assets together or naming each other as beneficiaries on various assets, including life insurance or investment accounts.

Without a pre-or postnup, assets will go to the surviving spouse upon death, with little or possibly nothing going to the children.

The couple should also talk about long-term care costs, which can decimate a family’s finances. Plan A is to have long-term care insurance. If either of the spouses has not secured this insurance and cannot get a policy, an alternate is to have their estate planning attorney create a Medicaid Asset Protection Trust (MAPT). Once assets have been inside the trust for five years for nursing home costs and two-and-a-half years for home care paid by Medicaid, they are protected from long-term care costs.

When applying for Medicaid, the assets of both spouses are at risk, regardless of pre- or postnup documents.

Discuss the use of trusts with your estate planning attorney. A will conveys property, but assets must go through probate, which can be costly, time-consuming and leave your assets open to court battles between heirs. Trusts avoid probate, maintain privacy and deflect family squabbles.

Creating a trust and placing the joint home and any assets, including cash and investments, inside the trust is a common estate planning strategy. When the first spouse dies, a co-trustee who serves with the surviving spouse can prevent the surviving spouse from changing the trust and by doing so, protect the children’s inheritance. Let’s say one of the couple suffers from dementia, remarries or is influenced by others—a new will could leave the children of the deceased spouse with nothing.

Many things can very easily go wrong in second marriages. Prior planning with an experienced estate planning attorney can protect the couple and their children and provide peace of mind for all concerned.

Reference: Times Herald-Record (Sep. 21, 2020) “Establishing assets, goals when planning for a second marriage”

How Do I Reduce My Blended Family Fighting Concerning My Estate Plan?

The IRS recently announced that in 2020, the first $11.58 million of a taxable estate is free from federal estate taxes. Therefore, a vast majority of estates won’t have to pay federal estate taxes. However, a TD Wealth survey at the 53rd Annual Heckerling Institute on Estate Planning found that family conflict was identified as the leading threat to estate planning.

Investment News’ recent article, “Reducing potential family conflicts,” explains that a blended family can result from multiple marriages, children from a current or former marriage, or children involved in multiple marriages. There are more "blended families" in the U.S. than ever before. More fighting over estate planning occurs in blended families.

The key element in any conflict resolution is open and honest communication. It’s especially the case, when it involves a blended family. In many instances, it’s best to explain a proposed estate plan to the family in advance.

If anyone objects, listen to their point of view and try to be empathetic to their position. You may wind up with a compromise, or, if no changes are made, at least the family member had an opportunity to air their grievances.

One potential solution to minimize conflicts within a blended family may be a prenuptial agreement. The agreement is signed prior to the marriage and outlines the financial rights of each spouse, in the event of a divorce or death. Prenups are particularly useful in second marriages, especially when there is a disparity in age and wealth between the parties.

However, not every married couple in a blended family has a prenuptial agreement. Even if they do, blended families can still have family conflicts in estate planning.

It is important to remember communication, reducing the chances of a will contest with a “no-contest” clause, asking your attorney about a revocable living trust and compromise.

Estate planning can be particularly difficult for blended families. Talk with an experienced estate planning attorney about the techniques that can help reduce potential family conflicts.

Reference: Investment News (December 9, 2019) “Reducing potential family conflicts”

What Should I Keep in Mind, When I Remarry?

Before you remarry, discuss any past financial issues with your fiancé, and plan for success, by considering some important ideas.

U.S. News & World Report’s recent article, “6 Financial Considerations for Remarriage,” lists six financial considerations and crucial steps to take before you remarry:

1. Revise Your Budget. Whether this is your first, second, or third marriage, couples need to create a budget for daily spending, monthly expenses and big-ticket purchases. You should also talk about your household expenses and costs related to children from a prior marriage. If you have to pay alimony, let your new spouse know. It’s also a good time to talk about credit card debt, past investments you've made and retirement accounts. You may want to draft a prenuptial agreement.
2. Inform your Fiancé of Any Financial Obligations, Including Child Support. Before getting married, review the laws to see how child support may be impacted by marriage to a new person. While it's unlikely that you would lose your child support if you remarry, the family court may reduce the amount. If a person paying the child support is remarrying, they should talk to their partner prior to the marriage to make certain they understand the amount of the payments.
3. Check Insurance and Benefits. A frequent mistake when remarrying, is not updating the beneficiaries of life insurance policies. You also may have to look at other updates to your coverage, like who will be on your health plan, and you may need to modify your homeowner’s insurance with a spouse and children in residence. Understand that if you get government benefits, like Medicaid or Social Security, you could forfeit your Medicaid eligibility when you remarry if your spouse's income is too high to be eligible. You might also discover that your Social Security benefits from an ex-spouse will stop, after you remarry.

A second marriage may also increase a parent's income for federal financial aid purposes for college. If a parent is the custodial parent for the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid), their income now may include their new spouse's income. It is important to discuss saving for college and tuition costs, as well as if either partner has children from a prior marriage, whether each spouse will save money for tuition costs.

5. Estate Planning Is Critical. Check your estate planning before remarrying. That includes a will, medical powers of attorney, do not resuscitate orders, durable powers of attorney, designations of guardianship or consent to adoption and various trusts, including trusts for special needs children. If you have children from a prior relationship, hire a qualified estate planning attorney.
6. Create an Inheritance Plan. If you have children from a prior relationship, you need to put the right estate planning documents in place to protect them from being disinherited. In some states, a last will and testament may be enough, but in others it may make sense to also have a revocable living trust.

The biggest mistake that couples commit when entering their second marriage, is thinking that their own children will inherit any of their estate, if they die first. Perhaps the adult children will inherit some of the estate, but you should speak to an estate attorney to create a customized strategic plan. In many instances, the living spouse will change the plan and leave everything to their children and nothing to yours.

Reference: U.S. News & World Report (November 18, 2019) “6 Financial Considerations for Remarriage”

Did Wendy Williams Have a Prenup?

“Abso-lutely,” the 55-year-old Wendy Williams said with a laugh, when asked if she’d ever get a prenuptial agreement, if she remarries.

In Touch’s recent article, “Wendy Williams Tells Andy Cohen She Will Get a Prenup If She Ever Remarries on ‘WWHL,’” says that the Wendy Williams Show host filed for divorce from her estranged husband, Kevin Hunter, in April after more than 21 years of marriage. She said the couple didn’t have a prenup in place.

A prenuptial agreement (also called a "prenup" for short) is a written agreement created by two people before they get married. A prenup usually makes a list of all the property each person owns, along with any debts. A prenup states what each person's property rights will be, if the marriage ends in divorce.

“I didn’t think it would end, first of all, and second of all, that is not sexy to introduce paperwork when you are in love with somebody,” Wendy said during an appearance on SiriusXM’s “Sway in the Morning” at the time. “But, as a grown person, I’d get with another grown person and that grown person would have a thriving career. I would choose differently this time.”

Wendy told Andy Cohen that she was back on the market, and that she’s been seeing other people, including a doctor in his 50s. The Bravo personality, Cohen, asked the DWTS alum if she was still seeing a mystery man.

“I see many men,” she said.

Andy continued to ask the New Jersey native more questions about her dating life, in which Wendy told him that her ideal guy would be between the ages of 48 and 65 and must be at least 5-foot-8. She also admitted that she still speaks with Kevin, because they share 19-year-old son, Kevin Jr. This is despite the fact that he cheated on her with his mistress Sharina Hudson and got her pregnant.

“I mean, he messed up,” she said. “But, you know, hey, life moves on.”

However, it seems like Wendy is doing just fine now.

“I really like the new me,” the Emmy nominee confessed. “I don’t know who I’ve become, but I like her. She’s smart, she’s strong, she makes good choices.”

Reference: In Touch (September 9, 2019) “Wendy Williams Tells Andy Cohen She Will Get a Prenup If She Ever Remarries on ‘WWHL’”

How Do I Plan for a Blended Family?

A blended family (or stepfamily) can be thought of as the result of two or more people forming a life together (married or not) that includes children from one or both of their previous relationships, says The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette in a recent article, “You're in love again, but consider the legal and financial issues before it's too late.”

Research from the Pew Research Center study reveals a high remarriage rate for those 55 and older—67% between the ages 55 and 64 remarry. Some of the high remarriage percentage may be due to increasing life expectancies or the death of a spouse. In addition, divorces are increasing for older people who may have decided that, with the children grown, they want to go their separate ways.

It’s important to note that although 50% of first marriages end in divorce, that number jumps to 67% of second marriages and 80% of third marriages end in divorce.

So if you’re remarrying, you should think about starting out with a prenuptial agreement. This type of agreement is made between two people prior to marriage. It sets out rights to property and support, in case there’s a divorce or death. Both parties must reveal their finances. This is really helpful, when each may have different income sources, assets and expenses.

You should discuss whose name will be on the deed to your home, which is often the asset with the most value, as well as the beneficiary designations of your life insurance policies, 401(k)s and individual retirement accounts.

It is also important to review the agents under your health care directives and financial powers of attorney. Ask yourself if you truly want your stepchildren in any of these agent roles, which may include “pulling the plug” or ending life support.

Talk to an experienced estate planning attorney about these important documents that you’ll need, when you say “I do” for the second (or third) time.

Reference: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (February 24, 2019) “You're in love again, but consider the legal and financial issues before it's too late”